Tonight, while I was cooking shrimp and super cheesy grits, I felt a bit… empty. Lost even. Like I had lost my purpose and drive to be myself, and to be happy BEING myself.
I started thinking about how I used to be and what used to make me happy, and I instantly realized that I just don’t do those things anymore.
Do you ever reflect upon your life and start picking it apart? Just me?
I used to be OBSESSED with clothing, fashion, makeup, hair, shoes… beauty in general.
I used to be a complete and total gym rat. Being the first one in at 5:00 am and coming in a second time after work for round 2.
I used to live and breath nutrition. I would create recipes, take photos of my creations and blog about it. I even started a cookbook!
Well, if you know me, you know I analyze ever-single situation. So, I got to wondering, why don’t I do these things anymore? Why don’t I get all dolled up to go to work like I used to? Why don’t I watch cooking shows, and follow the health food blogs I used to? Why don’t I obsess over the gym anymore? Why don’t I enjoy going shopping anymore, and why do I wear the same pair of wedges to work everyday when I have a closet full (and I mean FULL) of bomb ass shoes? — Hell, I cant even be bothered with blow drying my hair in the mornings anymore. (Sigh)
Then… Just like that, it all came together like a bunch of puzzle pieces.
I’m not happy with MYSELF.
See, I’ve managed to gain about 20 lbs over the last year and as much as I’ve “tried” I haven’t been able to get the weight off. So, naturally, I don’t fit into my adorable lacy dresses, or my super tight pencil skirts. I am stuck wearing these flowy tops and work slacks. Of course, at this point, I don’t feel comfortable wearing my 4 inch heals or putting on a full face of makeup so I just throw my hair up in a (ugh, I cringe) … ponytail …. and walk out the door.
I eat whatever is convenient and haven’t held a solid workout routine in what feels like FOREVER because I am just so unmotivated.
I don’t cook anymore because i’m lazy (probably because I don’t eat the right foods, or drink enough water) and I haven’t blogged in forever because there isn’t anything to blog about.
It all boils down to food for me. It’s time to make a change.
A friend of mine once said “Sometimes, you just have to reinvent yourself, we are completely capable of changing ourselves, that’s the beauty of life”…